But what actually is Self Love?
We hear it all over the internet daily, to act with self love.
But what actually is self love?
My name is Marcello, and I’ve been on the journey of reconnecting with my Self for quite a few years now. In fact, it’s been about nine years since I consciously embarked on the journey, and for much of that time, I would have told you…
“Yeah, I love myself.”
Yet, in the same moment, I would berate myself for doing something a little outside of perfection. In the same moment, I would feel weak for feeling any type of emotion. In the same moment, I would unleash the whip on myself for doing anything outside of what I felt I should be doing, even if it wasn’t authentic to me.
Was that Self Love?
I thought that if I just kept my eyes on self-improvement I would improve myself right into the person that felt like he was enough, into the person that I could love.
It turns out, that was not love. That was some backward type of abuse that through some type of conditioning — I thought was love.
But what actually is Self Love?
Well, let’s shift our perspective...
If berating myself for doing something a little outside my idea of perfection was abuse, then perhaps Self Love is giving myself the SPACE to make mistakes, learn, try again, and grow over time.
If criticizing myself for having some type of emotion I labeled as weak is some abuse, then perhaps Self Love is allowing all emotions to be felt and recognizing that all emotions are part of the human experience for the sake that they’re actually powerful messages for us to listen to, learn from, and grow as a result of.
If whipping myself for doing what I felt I should do instead of what felt authentic to me is abusive, then Self Love might be safely listening to the messages being spoken inside me as if they have a special message for me to hear and be guided by. Almost as if my own personal mentor or guide is speaking directly to me, because they are, our internal guide and mentor.
Perhaps that’s what Self Love actually is.
It’s almost like Self Love is treating ourselves just as we treat the people we love most in our lives, like our best friends.
Perhaps that’s what Self Love is.
( Me & My Best Friend David Circa 2022 )
. . .
I mean that sounds easy, right?
We all want to feel our best, that power and grace within ourselves. Not to mention we all want to feel that sense of being loved and fulfilled. I’d imagine at least.
So why aren’t we doing this already?
Why aren’t we just immediately doing it? Loving ourselves?
Well, three important reasons came to me:
1. We may have never had the education.
As an Emotional Intelligence Paraeducator in a public elementary school today and as a product of the public education system in the United States myself — I know that teaching children about themselves, their emotions, and how to work with their emotions in a healthy way is something quite new, extremely new in fact.
Not to mention, if this is brand new in our schools then our parents were likely never taught either. Which, unless they went about this education on their own… sets us up to download the same habits they had around how they viewed themselves and how they worked with their own thoughts, emotions, and feelings.
Just ask yourself how your parents dealt with feeling sad and angry, and how openly you were able to talk about your stresses and challenges while feeling safe and supported to do so.
2. We want to be accepted by others.
Yes, in other words, we are choosing not to be who we truly are and act with the self love that we deserve because — perhaps we won’t be loved as our true selves that way.
It’s in the deepest fabric of who we are as human beings, as animals once in the wild collectively working with and supporting each other for our survival and evolution. We see it in schools with kids wanting to fit in or in adult relationships where people might shift who they are a bit to be better liked by those around them.
It can be scary to change for this reason. It may have been how others have accepted us for many years of our lives. In many ways, it may have become an identity for the simple sake of our survival.
Perhaps that’s why we acted the way we’ve acted.
What if though, you were loved for being your full self?
What if though, you found the tribe that accepts you for who you truly are?
What if though, you felt better in your own skin than you’ve ever felt before and YOU were there with YOU to support yourself?
3. We might be afraid of change.
Once we begin on the journey of loving ourselves we are faced with actually connecting with who we truly are, and that journey involves feeling our feelings and emotions, setting boundaries for the sake of our well-being, giving energy to the people we feel good around, and reducing the time spent with people who we feel are poor influences for ourselves.
All in all, experiencing and standing in our potential means leaving our comfort zone for new responsibilities, the unknowns, and the continuous evolution of witnessing and letting go of the outdated parts of who we are.
That can be quite a nerve-racking thing to do, and you’re not alone in feeling that way. Yet, the rewards that begin to flow to us here are so much sweeter than their labor.
The True Blessing of It All
The blessing is that when we do begin to love ourselves, it doesn’t matter how someone perceives us because we know what is true for us.
The blessing is that when we do begin to love ourselves, the unknowns and their responsibilities, the continuous shedding and self-realization, and even the self-doubt and imposter syndrome begin to shed away and hold less charge in our minds and bodies because we are with ourselves.
Let’s put it this way, it’s like showing up to all parts of life with your best friend, your mentor, or your support system right by your side.
So let’s do it.
Guidance for loving yourself:
What might it feel like for you to have your best friend always in your corner, or simply with you when life gets difficult?
Where in your life right now might you benefit from having a compassionate, supportive, and graceful person in your corner?
What might your first step look like in the act of sharing love towards yourself right now, on this day?
This place already exists within all of us.
It’s just a matter of coming back home.
Oh, and if you’re reading this then you are already on your way.
Peace and power,
Marcello F. LaGreca
( more here )
