Why Healthy Relationships are Crucial for Emotional Healing
In 2018 I experienced anxiety at an entirely different, debilitating, and existential level. I was crippled by an acute fear of death by cancer and suicide, a resurrection of childhood trauma, and an overall sense of loss of control. I was in the midst of a great storm and the strongest life raft I had were the people in my life — the web of supportive and loving relationships I had around me.
However, not just any person cut it. Having the right people in our lives and community makes for a strong support system and foundation.
The most important piece of this article: Some people in our lives have the capacity to help us through challenges like anxiety; while other people have no capacity, experience, or business in helping us get through our challenges.
It’s really that simple. If you intend to become a toned, muscular, successful bodybuilding competitor then it makes sense for you to start working out with someone who is toned, muscular, and has won a bodybuilding competition. They have been through the journey, the workouts, the eating, the challenges and have successfully made it to the other side. It’s safe to say that your likelihood of success training with someone who has never lifted a weight would be much lower.
“Show me your friends and I will show you your future.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
This is directly applicable to healing anxiety.
In my first intense experience of anxiety as an adult, I didn’t have the tools and understanding of self-healing that I do now. Instead, the anxiety had me deep in a negative, self-criticizing feedback loop. So I did what anyone would think to do. I went to the first, most available, and solid support system that I had: my parents.
Thankfully, I have incredibly supportive parents. They are willing to, at a moment's notice, drive four hours (at 3 am) to pick me up from my broken down car, talk me through any challenges on the phone and encourage my goals and ambitions. I am extremely grateful for the love and support that they offer me.
AND, they did not have the capacity to help me through anxiety because they hadn’t experienced the journey of healing through anxiety themselves. Therefore, they didn’t have the tools to share with me or understand what I was experiencing. They provided a nurturing environment, yes, but they couldn’t truly help me get to the other side of anxiety, to the clearest part of mySelf.
Thankfully, in one of my first experiences of anxiety back in 2014, I came to realize, through reading, just how important a support system and relationships were. So, I made a deal with myself that year that I would work to find friends and create a community of people who were or had been on a similar path as me. People who value personal development, mindset, and the importance of Self-love. I attended meditation groups, mental health clubs, and group fitness workouts to surround myself with people of a similar mindset. Slowly but surely this social circle widened. So when the time came in 2018 when I really needed a solid support system, I had one. In particular, I had made a great new friend named Tucker. He was another guy of the same age who had been through mental health challenges in the past, meditated regularly, and is still, to this day, evolving himself through Self-love and development.
2018 was a hard year, and Tucker really supported me through the journey. He helped me keep my mind on the light at the end of the tunnel by reminding me that this experience would only help me become more of who I truly am in the long run. He reminded me that these experiences were a metamorphosis where I was shedding old, outdated versions of myself and further growing into a wiser, more compassionate, and resilient version. He supported me through the challenges and spoke with me through the debilitating fears.
When we are looking for support during a rough time it is extremely important to be intentional about who we surround ourselves with. On one hand, we can have someone who totally understands the adversity we are being faced with and can help lead us to the other side while on the other hand, we can have someone who really doesn’t have the capacity to hold the space and support we need and can keep us in a negative feedback loop.
Of course, we have certain friends for certain sides of ourselves, but we must be intentional with those we surround ourselves with. Relationships have an incredible influence on us and our well-being. In my case I’ve aligned my relationships with my values, choosing to surround myself with loving, playful, supportive, and ambitious people and it has brought more value and light into my life than I could have imagined.
At the end of the day, quality relationships are the bedrock of a loving & fulfilling life. Be intentional with who you surround yourself with and who you go to for support. ❤
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If you are interested in learning more I share tools, experiences, and insights via my YouTube channel here. ❤
